look alive

Please.. to anyone contemplating suicide, please read this.

I may not know you or know what you’re going through, but please know that I care about you.. I know you’re probably thinking how can you care about someone you’ve never met, but think of it like “how can you just walk past someone that’s probably crying their heart out or holding a gun to their head or standing on a chair with a rope around their neck or someone seconds away from falling off a building without feeling the slightest sadness that this person is living a life so sad that they don’t even want to be alive ?” I know what it feels like to want to die, doesn’t everyone ? But some people have it really bad. It may seem like it’s never gonna get better, but trust me, it will. One day, you’ll be with someone that makes you feel so happy or maybe you’ll find something that makes life bearable. If life has it’s ups and downs, then life will eventually have to get better because if “what goes up must come down” then what goes down must come up. And think of it this way, maybe you’ll be the complete opposite of depressed or lonely or hurt, one day, you’ll be euphoric. If you really wanna die, then I can’t stop you. I can only tell you there is someone who will be broken beyond repair if you kill yourself. 

A story I wrote

there once was this little princess, she lived in poverty. her mother and father had hated her because she looked nothing like royalty, however, this princess was smart and beautiful. no one understood her beauty. everyday, she would sit on the streets and beg for money or food. no one had cared for this little girl for they spat in her face. every night as she slept, she cried, a silent cry. when the princess had turned sixteen, she had lived in a forest full of fairies and butterflies. she picked flowers and fruits and put them inside her beautiful grass home. she had made friends with all animals. this princess had lived her life alone. she had never been loved by anyone but nature and the animals. this princess hadn’t regret anything. for every night, she saw a shooting star. all she ever wanted was for someone to learn love. one night, the princess awoke to a man, injured in the forest. she quickly ran to him and treated his wounds. she had took care of him and when he was better, he left. the man had said nothing to the princess. the princes had loved him. she was open to him and had told him everything. the princes was sad. one day, the man returned, injured again, he begged for the princess to heal him. but this time she had not seen any open wounds. she asked what hurt and he replied, his heart. the princess asked how it had been hurt and he replied, my love had left me.. she had answered, i know how you feel, the man had looked at her and said, who was this man, she replied, you, and the man had cried. she watched him cry and wondered what brought these tears, then she grabbed a knife and cut open her chest and given him her heart. the end

it was supposed to mean that, even though the townspeople never learned to love, the princess had always known what love is, and that was giving even a complete stranger your heart

Reasons why I should get over you

• You don’t like me back nor will you ever.
• I always think of you
• I’m a hopeless romantic
• I don’t have a chance
• You’re too good for me

Reasons why I can’t

• I’m hopelessly in love with you, I simply can’t stop loving you, and you’re perfect in my eyes

Ignoring you is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do..

I don’t know if I can keep ignoring you,.

Things I find attractive.

• Baggy ish t-shirts
• Not too tight jeans
• Ripped-up shoes
• Beanies
• Lip pierces
• Tattoos
• Good grammar/spelling
• Fancy vocabulary
• Music taste <3
• A liking for the old days
• Huge imagination
• Unusual perspective on life

I can’t do this anymore.

I can’t have my hopes up every time I talk to you, it hurts. I can’t keep getting my heart hurt. I can’t keep having these perfect fantasies where you actually like me back. But you aren’t worth letting go. I can’t let go of you because I love you. Even though I have to put up with this, it’s worth it. It’s worth the pain to have you in my life. Even if you’ll never feel the same. I just hope one day you realize how much I really do love you. I’m sorry if my insecurities overpower me and I end up pushing you away. I’m just scared that you’ll be the one to leave me when I need you most. 

Fuck you for saying what I wanted to hear. Fuck you for lying to me. Fuck you for fucking with my feelings. Fuck you for getting my hopes up.

Fuck you for making me fall in love with you.

I’m scared when people actually like me back.

Because that rarely happens and when it does, I want to hold onto that person. I’m scared they’ll wake up one morning and decide, there’s so many better people than me that they could be with. I’m scared to let anyone close enough to hurt me.

Why the fuck can’t you just tell me straight up how you feel ? I’m tired of assuming shit and getting my hopes up.